a cosmic demand

On the historical full moon of Friday July 27, 2018, I performed for the first time a full moon ritual. It is a ritual where intentions are set in earnest to release destructive behavioural patterns, old conditioned thoughts, emotional stagnation and damaging personal attributes that no longer serve me in hopes for self-forgiveness, self-healing and self-development.

It is a simple ritual of writing down statements of release on a paper and then burning it up into ashes to symbolically rise with a cleansed calm mind, purged negative emotions and a newly created space in the heart. I sincerely had no idea what to expect literally and figuratively and I have reached that point in my life where the faith in discovering my true self and a higher power has only began to manifest.

I had researched that anything could happen during this process. The paper could take time or less time to burn, depending on the chemistry between fire and paper. I was prepared that it might take several attempts to see it burn through. As I put the paper alight, flames engulfed it so ferociously I had to lean back. It looked like swaying mountains of red dancing right in front of me. After a few seconds, the burning slowed down, ashes began to spread and to my amusement the paper had began to recede into a single word like an underwater volcano that erupted and its lava was forming an island in backwards. This island of a paper stopped receding exactly at the word “confront” from the noun that I wrote “confrontation”.

I cracked a smile and my throat choked part from surprise and part from what felt like an immaculate awareness from this cosmic demand. The universe, or something out there, cared enough to advice me and maybe elevate me consciously on this stifled planet. It was like a cold slap on the face though. No therapist could have said it louder, no drug could have taken me higher, no failed relationship could have humbled me so into self-realisation.

Of course, like an embarrassed child caught stealing cookies, I began to question confront what? I have just confronted major mind and heart ache, what more can I confront now? Could I not just catch a break and breathe? Not yet.

Then I understood I was not confronting enough, in fact, my confrontations are half-assed and ego-serving. I should not pride in the confrontation of my last long relationship gloating that I got the upper-hand, or confronting various situations with a bad attitude and defensive energy because I feel entitled. It is my self that I must confront.

Having said that, on the same day, Mercury began its retrograde in Leo. Leo represents courage. It’s crystal clear now that my message from the universe is to also find courage. The courage to confront fairly, forgive, be compassionate and ultimately let go.

Author: noramorta

For the first time after years of deliberation and procrastination, I move from the old fashioned pen and paper to display the consequences of my bad decisions, my inflated mixed emotions and my awkward findings on life.

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